Feeling Ready For Baby #2
When your first baby is born, it becomes the light of your life - your everything. You have never focuses so much attention, so much love, on one particular thing or one particular someone. It is absolutely beautiful.
I always knew I wanted multiple children and have always dreamt of having the first two close together. For the first many months with Noah in my arms, I didn't think of much else than what I had bundled up beside me. Once he turned, say six months or so, I remember wondering, when will I know that I'm ready for number two? I thought at that point that I'd never be ready. A few months later I started seeing a few announcements here and there of people expecting number 2, when their number 1 was only around Noah's age. Did they feel different than me? Were they ready so soon already or did they just go with the flow and not worry too much whether they felt ready or not?
How do you decide to widen your love circle? How to you manage to make more space? How do you manage to share your love? I couldn't understand it because my focus was so one track minded (my poor hubby!). The thought of having a second baby actually made me a bit sad at that point (can you believe that!?) because I didn't want to share the love that I had for Noah. I never want him to feel as though I don't have time for him or that something else may need my attention more than he does. And the reality with having another child is that he will very well feel that at times, even if you never intend for him too.
But like with everything in life, emotions and feelings change, grow, mature, and develop. When Noah was around 14 months, I suddenly found myself craving the thought of having a fresh baby in my arms. Craving that newborn smell, those sounds; Craving the innocence, the opportunity, the anticipation and the wonder. I started remembering the beauties of pregnancy and most importantly I started picturing Noah with a sibling - watching love form between two individuals who may not know one another at all but are instantly connected.
I was ready. Ready to widen and share my love and I felt like it suddenly couldn't come soon enough. I cannot explain why or how I started feeling ready. I think for most people the process begins with emotions that are hard to pin down or describe. For others it may be very clear - some may want their first born to sleep through the night or to be diaper free, and others may just need hubby to agree, or feel like they have enough room in the house and money in the bank account. And for some, number 2 may just come as an unexpected surprise without any form of pre-planning, which is a gift in itself.
Like with so many things in life, there is no right way to do any of this – no right way to do motherhood. Every day I gain a further appreciation for how we all do it slightly different - what works for one, may not work for the other - and that goes for having children in the first place, the amount of them, the spacing between them and raising them. Every child is different; every parent is different. We all try our best; we love, we give but what connects us most of all is probably the amount of love we get back from these little beings, despite all of that. It is beautiful and it is inspiring – and dangerous (!!) because I feel like right now I want 10 of them, haha. That’s my baby fever talking though…I think.
I beam so much love and strength to all those out there trying, to all those out there expecting, and to all those out there raising. It is by far the most meaningful purpose in life and I am forever grateful to be be a part of this fluid journey that connects us all.